How To Not Make a Videogame Port
by Light-Eco-Sage
Summary: To be honest, the Avatar videogame wasn't that good. But it was funny as hell to make fun of! Here's some scenes that I found funny, or things that I thing should have happened in the Avatar game made by THQ.
1. How To Ruin a Perfectly Good Disguise

**How to Not Make a Videogame Port**

**By: Light-Eco-Sage**

**Rated: Teen for stupidness and slight hints of romance… but very slight. You have to squint. Not to mention I break the Fourth Wall into oblivion!!! Plus major OOCness!**

**Summary: Inspired by playing the videogame of "Avatar: The Last Airbender". To be honest… it's not that good. But, somehow, in a funny way. These ideas would be funnier as a comic, but since I can't draw, you get fics instead.**

**Disclaimer: "Avatar: The Last Airbender" the (amazing) show was created by ****Michael Dante DiMartino**** and ****Bryan Konietzko****. "Avatar: The Last Airbender" the (not-so-amazing) videogame was created by THQ.**

**LES: There's a lot of things that I noticed wrong when I played through (I haven't gotten all the way through) "Avatar: The Last Airbender", which was really obvious to a fan of the show like me. Some of it is stomping on the canon, some of it is the random ability to turn invisible, and some of it is just the strangest things that you overhear random people saying. So far, I haven't talked to a single person that wasn't required to advance the plot, but I've eavesdropped on many of them, and some of them say the weirdest things, and I just can't imagine the Gang not reacting to it. But that will be covered later. Firstly, let's look at near the beginning of the videogame when Aang and Sokka are required to disguise themselves as Fire Nation soldiers to rescue Katara. Sounds simple enough, right? Wrong! Anyway, on with the crap!**

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**Chapter I: How to Ruin a Perfectly Good Disguise**

It was at a random Fire Nation camp in the middle of freaking nowhere. Well, actually, it was near some nameless town, but seeing as you don't spend twenty minutes there, it wasn't very important.

Aang and Sokka carefully counted the number of stupid guards hanging around outside. See, Katara had been kidnapped by Zuko from the South/North pole… whichever it was… rather than Aang. So this screwed up the entire script of the show, and now the Gang was being forced to wing it. Aang and Sokka had followed Zuko's ship until he got captured by Fire Nation soldiers even though he was in the Earth Kingdom and they shouldn't be allowed to capture him unless he goes to the Fire Nation. Go figure.

Now Katara was in a Fire Nation prison, and the only way to get in was to steal some of the soldier's uniforms and sneak in.

"So, what do you think? About fifty… sixty guards?" Sokka asked. "I don't think we can take that many."

"Are you kidding? I'm the Avatar!" Aang said. "Just give me five minutes."

"Well, that may be, but even though it's been implied that you've been learning Waterbending, you can still only use Air for some unexplained reason. And you can't go into the Avatar State either." Sokka said, and then paused. "What the crap… an Avatar game without all the awesome Avatar bending powers and the Avatar State? Whose bright idea was this?!?"

"Well… I may only be able to use Air… for some strange reason… Air is still the best element, which is why the player won't control any of you for a second longer than it takes to perform Focus moves, or when the game forces the player to control someone other than me. I'll just go out there and kick the crap out of everyone with Airbending."

"But, didn't you get the memo? Bending powers are limited in this game by Chi. If you run out of Chi, you run out of Bending, which also makes no sense." Sokka said.

"You forgot cheats." Aang said. "I've got unlimited Chi. I've also got unlimited health, one-hit K.O., unlimited money, and all sorts of other helpful cheats."

"Oh… so _that's _how we defeated all those bosses so easily…" Sokka mused.

So, without further ado, Aang stepped boldly into the middle of the Fire Nation camp and laid waste to the guards. And although the bodies of the defeated disappeared into thin air, they didn't die. They were dishonored. Apparently, being dishonored makes you disappear. But, if that's true, Zuko should have gone bye-bye a _long_ time ago. Not to mention after the Season Two finale.

Just as Aang predicted, he cleared out the guards within five minutes, and headed into the building, looking for the perfect people to steal their uniforms from. Thankfully, the Fire Nation had one twelve-year old retarded boy, and another fifteen-year old retarded boy in their employ… as soldiers. I blame Affirmative Action!

So Aang lays waste to the guards easily while Sokka stands around screaming, and basically doing nothing. They corner the retarded boys and beat the crap out of them, and stole their clothes.

Sokka quickly put on his new Fire Nation duds, which didn't look nearly as good as his Season Three design. "So, Aang, you ready to go…?" Sokka turned around and immediately trailed off. "Uh… Aang?"

"What is it, Sokka? Does it not fit me?" Aang asked, concerned. The clothes actually fit him just fine. That wasn't the problem. The problem was that these uniforms also happened to be the only frikken uniforms in the _entire_ Fire Nation that didn't have head coverings. Aang's bald head and Airbender tattoos were still plain as day, and any Fire Nation officer that wasn't completely retarded could see it.

"Uh… Aang… the point of a disguise is to hide your identity." Sokka pointed out. "I think those Airbender tattoos and the giant Airbending staff is _pretty_ obvious…"

"I… don't follow you, Sokka." Aang said.

Sokka stared at Aang in amazement. "Uh… never mind. I've read the script, and this plan is doomed to fail anyway."

Anyway, they left the camp and headed for the prison. But they soon ran into a group of Fire Nation soldiers along the way. One of the guards noticed Aang, or rather his disguise-destroying tattoos. "Halt! Who are you! You're not a Fire Nation soldier!"

"What? Of course I'm a Fire Nation soldier! Why wouldn't I be a Fire Nation soldier?" Aang said nervously.

"How about we start with… those pretty obvious Airbender tattoos." The guards said.

"Oh… the tattoos…" Aang began nervously. "They are… a… a chick magnet!"

"What?" The guard and Sokka asked.

"Yeah! You won't believe how these things work!" Aang began enthusiastically. "Have you listened to the people of this world recently? They are all practically in love with Airbenders! All you need are some tattoos, and viola, instant chicks!"

The Guard considered his words. "You know… that actually sounds crazy enough to work… I once ran into a chick who said if she saw an Air Nomad monk, she'd want to get with him at all freaking costs."

"Really?" Aang asked.

Sokka knocked Aang over the head.

The guard walked away, probably heading to the nearest tattoo parlor. "Thanks for the tip, buddy!"

Sokka glared at Aang for a second. "These people who are in love with Airbenders wouldn't happen to include my sister, would it?"

Aang laughed nervously.

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**LES: Next chapter, we'll get to meet the chick who wants to get with an Air Nomad monk at all freaking costs! Yes, this is based on a character I found in the game, exaggerated of course. But, enough of that, we'll get to her later. I mean, this part was just STUPID!!! Every single disguise Aang ever had in the show was at least smart enough to cover his Arrowhead. And none of the guards ever notice until the guys you stole the uniforms from rats you out. Just… stupid…**


	2. How To Score in the Avatar World

**LES: And, now, as promised, the chick who wants to get with an Air Nomad monk at all costs!**

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**Chapter II: How to Score in the Avatar World**

It was a lovely, beautiful day in a small, once again, nameless town at the base of the Air Temple. Which Air Temple, you may ask? Well, I don't effing know! The game just calls it 'The Air Temple'. So I guess there is only one Air Temple, and the other three tumbled to the ground just because the game animators were too lazy to animate four Air Temples.

Aang and the group were actually there for a reason. Some psycho-bitch named Lian thought that she could destroy Aang's connection to the Avatar Spirit by destroying the statues of the past Avatars in the Air Temple. Of course, this plan was bull-shit, and everyone knew it but her. The statues are really nothing more than statues. But Aang was going to be damned if he let her destroy statues of himself. Not conceited at all, is he?

So, why were they hanging around in a small village rather than going to rescue the statues? It's really quite simple. Everyone knew that, unless there was a clock running in the corner of the screen, you had as much time as you wanted to complete tasks. They really could have flown five times around the world and still came back just in time to save the statues.

As if to make up for the fact that they have yet to go to Kyoshi, this was the place where Aang developed his group of fangirls. Practically everywhere they had gone, they had run into people just loved the Air Nomads… anything to do with them. The greatest of the fanatics seemed to have gathered where the Nomads had once lived. Even Mister McFoamy was there! It was an entire city of people who loved Airbenders!

Since their disastrous attempt to break into the Fire Nation Prison, they had gotten Katara back, and had been joined by Haru. And forgive the author if Haru really doesn't do anything, because she thinks it sucks that Toph couldn't be the Earthbending member of the party. We want our Toph back!

Uh… anyway. Aang was getting mobbed by a legion of Air Nomad fans. Sadly, the least innocent were the ones who wanted to touch him. The evil ones began to steal his clothes.

_Well… at least we're at one of the Air Temples… maybe… the Eastern Temple… so I'll be able to get replacements…_ Aang thought to himself as a group of girls made off with his… poncho… thing. Whatever the hell that thing is. This is why I like his Avatar outfit better… easier to describe!

The Gang watched in amazement as the girls began to fight over the orange poncho, tearing it to pieces. "Wow… is it just me, or do these people have some sort of love affair going on with the Air Nomad culture?" Katara asked.

"Man…" Sokka moaned. "And here I thought you were joking when you said being an Airbender was a chick magnet." Needless to say, they had been running into the aftermath of that little adventure for some time. They had run into quite a few Firebenders, sporting Airbender tattoos, trying to pick up chicks. And from the looks of the girl posses, Airbender tattoos worked like a charm. "Maybe I should get some Airbender tattoos too…" Katara glared at Sokka, and he gulped. "Nevermind."

"Well, I think this is just stupid. You can't love someone based on their culture, but who they really are." Katara said.

"Gasp!" Legions of Zutara fans gasped, sensing one of their common arguments. Which, at least, is a little better than 'opposites attract'.

"Oh, shut up! I didn't mean it like that! Maybe I _could_ love someone from the Fire Nation, but not an Emo whiny spoiled brat like Zuko!" Katara yelled at them, and they slinked off, vowing to bid their time until the Season Two finale.

"I _meant_ that people liking Aang just because he's an Airbender is stupid."

"Oh, shut up, Katara. This is a humor fic, and this is getting much too serious!" Sokka said. "This is why you were cut out of the first chapter! You're no fun!"

Katara snorted. "I can _so_ have fun!"

"Oh yeah, when was the last time you had fun?"

"I went penguin sledding with Aang!"

"Not in this game universe. Zuko attacked before you could."

"Shut up!!!" Katara yelled. "Man, I hate this game!"

"Join the club." Haru said. "This is my only line… maybe in the whole story."

"Shut up, Not-Toph. No one cares." Katara said. The Water Tribe girl sensed danger and saw that Aang was very close to getting strangled by a new legion of fangirls.

"Have my babies!" One screamed.

"Excuse me, how does _that_ work?" Sokka asked, confused. "How could a male have a girl's babies?"

Katara ignored him, and went over to Aang, extracting him from the grip of his fangirls before they could kill him. Aang gasped heavily as soon as he was free, using Airbending to help fill his lungs. "Thanks, Katara. I thought I was going to be reincarnated for sure…"

"Not today." Katara said. "Let's go to the markets. We need to pick up random stuff for our journey and buy things that no sane adventurer would ever buy."

They all agreed, and set off down the street.

On one of the bridges, a woman leaned against the edge, looking up at the Air Temple above. She sighed, and then spoke loud enough for the Gang to hear. "I wish the Airbenders were still around. I bet I could get even an Air Nomad monk to break his vows of chastity…"

Aang paused in his tracks. That sounded a little familiar. Hadn't that one Fire Nation soldier speak about a woman who wanted to have sex with an Air Nomad monk at any costs? Could this be that woman?!?

Aang saw the look on Sokka's face out of the corner of his eye. Sokka remembered that conversation too, apparently. Aang moved so quickly it seemed like he teleported. He was suddenly at the woman's side. "Excuse me, Miss, but are you looking for an Air Nomad monk, because I happen to be one. And I haven't taken any chastity vows!"

Just as quickly, Katara shot over to them and grabbed Aang by his ear, pulling him away from the woman roughly.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Katara-a-ah! It was just a joke!" Aang cried out.

"Oh, yeah, really funny. Let's joke about no dinner tonight, you perverted monk!" Katara growled, dragging him away by the ear.

Everyone, including the woman, stared at what just happened, confused. And then Sokka scooted closer to the woman. "You know… I happen to be an Air Nomad monk too."

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**LES: Aang acts like a pervert and Sokka's desperate to meet new women… as if he needs any help with that. How many cannon ships does he have? Three? Four? (Ty Lee?) And don't tell me twelve year old boys can't be perverted, because I've seen plenty of them. They are usually just quieter about it than this… sneaking their dad's Playboys and stuff. And I think I've got a new running joke for this fic. Calling Haru "Not-Toph" because that's what I thought about him the whole time. So, from now on, he isn't Haru. He's Not-Toph! Another thing that I like about the Air Temple part, which I couldn't include, was while Aang was risking his lift to save the Avatar Statues, Katara, Sokka, and Not-Toph went to go find some crappy flag. Yeah, that really helped Aang a lot.**


End file.
